Handwritten Journal Entry - 12/29/09
The sun is like an arrow, it pierces through me to the truth until I am bare and there is nothing left for me to hide. It lights up every corner, showing the scuffed and fading floors of my mind, where thoughts run freely. There is dirt and grime in these corners and the sun displays them. My face would burn if others could see.
As I sit here, looking out at the vast ocean in front of me, I can't help but think that this was a mistake. Leaving behind my life on a whim because it paid more. I loved Boston, the library was my sanctuary. The courtyard my own personal paradise in the middle of chaos.
Emmanuelle was right, this wasn't like me at all. I can still remember the look on her face when I told her, like I'd sprouted an extra head. She'd been visiting for the weekend and she shook her head, sipped her coffee. 'Claire, I'm impressed.' she signed, the look of surprise fading. 'I never would have expected this from you.' There was a smile on her face, like she thought this would be good for me. Em always pushed me, the only one I ever allowed to do such a thing.
She'd love it here, the air smells of the ocean. It is heavy and thick with condensation, it reminds me of the summer we spent in Nice with our grandparents. Em doesn't remember quite as clearly as I do, but I could remember the way the sun soaked through me like it does now and the smell that came along with it. Burning my lies from me, melting away any walls I might have up.
The sun; my enemy, my love.
I need to get laid.
As I sit here, looking out at the vast ocean in front of me, I can't help but think that this was a mistake. Leaving behind my life on a whim because it paid more. I loved Boston, the library was my sanctuary. The courtyard my own personal paradise in the middle of chaos.
Emmanuelle was right, this wasn't like me at all. I can still remember the look on her face when I told her, like I'd sprouted an extra head. She'd been visiting for the weekend and she shook her head, sipped her coffee. 'Claire, I'm impressed.' she signed, the look of surprise fading. 'I never would have expected this from you.' There was a smile on her face, like she thought this would be good for me. Em always pushed me, the only one I ever allowed to do such a thing.
She'd love it here, the air smells of the ocean. It is heavy and thick with condensation, it reminds me of the summer we spent in Nice with our grandparents. Em doesn't remember quite as clearly as I do, but I could remember the way the sun soaked through me like it does now and the smell that came along with it. Burning my lies from me, melting away any walls I might have up.
The sun; my enemy, my love.
I need to get laid.